everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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