I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
