it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
