i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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