Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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