need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
