Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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