whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Buhtt sex?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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