I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
