I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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