she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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