I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
