It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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