Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
two words...techno handjob
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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