Sorry, I don't speak sober.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
