The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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