highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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