I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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