STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
