i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
