She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
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My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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