so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
