so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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