So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
