saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.