Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
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Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
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Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck