That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.