are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.