when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.