dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
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Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
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Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.