try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
