she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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