Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
