I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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