there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
