There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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