the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
