i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
