So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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