Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
