You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
