Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
