I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
