i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
