This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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