She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize