Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
