How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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