A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
