She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
