If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is Oprah even human
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
