It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
