So drunk its hurt
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
