She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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