he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
