two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
