Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
