If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
