She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
