Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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