I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
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That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We're too hungover to prance.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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