I'm really into asian looking animals
literally had 100 drinks last night.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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