well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
