he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
