I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
