Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
