haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
