dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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