Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
