If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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