I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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