did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
