I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
