the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
