My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
the raccoons are back...
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