Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
