My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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