At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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