I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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