Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
