I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
