all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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