Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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