im six kinds of drunk right now
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
