my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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